From the minute I could comprehend what was going on in the world around me aka my family..I have always dreamed (is that a word? Or is it dreamt?) of going to..well, everywhere. Pretty much anywhere but here. My best friend and I already planned everything..when we will get out, what we want to do after that, our buckets list..everything. That’ll be the perfect life. The more I think about it, the more I fear being alive. Like every second here, in these four walls, with my family makes me wanna get out even more. And sometimes it comes to a stage where I sit in my room and cry or cry myself to sleep. It’s come even further;suicide. I don’t wanna do it and I promised myself that it isn’t the only way and I’m better than that but sometimes it feels like dying may just be better than seeing my family scream at each other and bad mouth everyone..they don’t even care about my well being.
I guess the only thing that’s keeping me alive is my best friend and our dreams. Big dreams by the way. He makes me wanna live for something you know? He reminds me that I have a whole life ahead of me and this is just the stepping stone..oh and his life is all sorts of exciting.. I’m jealous all the time. We know where we are going to be, what we are going to do but we barely know each other’s favourite colour. Haha. But I feel like that’s real friendship. Putting aside the mushy stuff, I’m probably not gonna make it through college or even to college for that matter..and yes, my family may disown me (in that case, I’m gonna live with one of my friends hehe) but I feel like no matter how much shit I go through..nothing can make me happier than leaving this dump behind! I know they say family is for life or at least I have a damn family but sometimes it just doesn’t seem right..to me, friends are forever..a good friend is all I need. I’ll get out one day and I’m going to travel the world, under any circumstances. I may be broke, homeless or have no degree (and trust me in India having a degree is really important) but I will be happy. Right best friend? It’ll be worth it. That’s all I could ever want.
∞ Forever and Always ∞