Be anyone!…except who you are.

Take it from me. I’m living proof that a person cannot live up to or chase their dreams. Everything I’ve ever done: planned my world tour, wanted a dog, stressed out to the point where I cry or pull on my hair, liked a guy, finally tell my parents I blog..or that I don’t want to go to college yet..ya whatever. Forget all that. Likes thats gonna happen. Showing my friends that I care so much about them and its so hard to think about the day we go separate ways…that won’t happen. Punching that guy who doesn’t know who he’s messing with or when to stop. I can’t do that.. I’ll get in trouble for saving my own self..No matter how much you think it’ll get better..I don’t even know if it can anymore.. Everything has become so bad..it couldn’t get any worse.I’m surprised I’m not dead yet.

There will never be a person who has a mind without fear, a heart with only hope and a will that never dies..its just not possible. I have so many dreams..guess thats all they are; dreams. I look at the sky thinking, “I’m gonna skydive one say..CLOUDS! I’m COMING!!” and then hey! reality decided to catch up pretty quick and the next day I’m so overwhelmed with my studies. There are things that you just can’t talk about anyone..even your best friend..or for some people ‘My mom is my “pal” always’ shit. Best friends? What are those again? Sorry..this isn’t really about anything.. I just wanted to let it out.

Let them do what they want..except this and that and oh of course not that and how could i have forgotten this?? Let them be what they want to be..as long as its a doctor or engineer..thats a lot of options right? OMG parents these days act like they were never teenagers..I’m not angry because I’m a teenager. I’m not rebellious because I’m going through a “phase.” What the hell?? And I’m certainly not crying because I’m weak. Everything I do just blame it on the “phase” of being a teenager..please what the hell has gotten into them? Ugh. Want to be a fashion designer? Nope. Want to travel? Who’s gonna pay? Not me ok? Want to be a psychiatrist or maybe just help people through psychology? Uh think again! Are you serious?? What ‘s wrong with 5 years of medical school right? Oh my gosh I’m wasting so much of my life..

I’m surviving every day without hanging out with my best friend, my close friend halfway across the world, not punching that jerk who just doesn’t know when to stop..and oh did I forget? Studies, marks,marks,marks..Ahhh I’m tearing myself apart!! My future is failing, my parents giving me a hard time now and then, me not having the patience for anything and simply crying for everything..this is rock bottom. I’ve hit it and trust me it feels like it can’t go any worse..but then again I don’t know.. I seriously hope not..

∏Forever and hopefully always..∏

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6 thoughts on “Be anyone!…except who you are.

  1. Tanya Sahay says:

    Hey Megha, I am not here to give you any false hope saying things like it all gets better. To be honest it doesn’t get better, unless you can make it better. I mean look at me, I am in 12th grade and the part of the cliché science stream I have no idea what I want to do with my life. We all need to have goals/dreams to keep us in check to keep moving forward. If this is the worst, then remember it can only get better now. Also don’t give up believing in yourself, you need to believe in yourself more now than ever. Keep smiling and have a wonderfully productive day.

    Liked by 3 people

    • meghashastry says:

      thank you so much tanya 🙂 so sweeeet u all r… i hope u do really well in 12th coz u absolutely awesome and thank u i will try my best to keep it together and look forward 🙂 Thanks again so much Tanya

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Suze says:

    Megha…try to stop thinking so much about what you want to be or do…some of us still don’t know what we want and we’re OLD! I mean like 62 years old1 I have been a salesclerk, a heavy equipment operator, a counselor, a librarian, a teacher, a mom, a nurse’s aide, a receptionist, a chicken vaccinator…for pete’s sake give yourself a break and try just floating into something and see how it fits. Your parents aren’t gonna croak if you are not a doctor or a lawyer. Hang in there kid..it doesn’t really ever get better, but it does get different, and you can be happy. It’s a matter of deciding to be. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • meghashastry says:

      dont be mad at me Suze…I’m sorry 😛 But still yes you’re right its just a feeling that’ll pass..thank u all so much you to Suze 🙂 Nice life by the way a lot of different jobs..I’m going to get thru.. I know it. Thanks to you guys

      Liked by 1 person

  3. realitycheck1449 says:

    Great post. I’m not going to say that you’re wrong and that it’s not all bad. If I did then I shouldn’t be called reality check. I mean you’re right, you make all these plans and then reality kicks in and you realize that they will probably not happen. And yea I know how it feels, how confusing it is. How can I feel so alone yet I have friends? Why is it that I can’t do anything right? Why can’t my parents understand? I get it, trust me. So if I say that It will get better soon then I’d be a hypocrite! I mean earlier this year I hit my breaking point. I asked for help, I had been trying to get someone to notice that I was struggling but they never did. Until I hit rock bottom and asked for help. Did it get better? Yea a little but there’s still so much that hasn’t been worked out yet. And it’s hard. That’s life. anyway I’m off track, so no It’s not going to get better right away, it might take a while. Hell, it might take forever, but I believe that it will, someday, eventually get better. I call myself RealityCheck, and I write to “dreamers” and I let them know what’s on my mind. Now I’ve had some people ask me “do you just not have any dreams or something?” I tell that I do and they say so you’re a fake. And all of that fun stuff. The thing that they need to understand is that there’s a difference between my dreams and other peoples. I have dreams I have plans but I also know that I won’t achieve any of them if I don’t try. It’s not just going to all happen if I don’t put in the work. I have to be realistic. I have to do this thing first before I can achieve this other thing. It’s like a game, to win the game you go through steps. After a certain number of steps you level up and continue to level up until you win. Life is a game. You just have to be willing to play the game and play no matter how long it takes. There’s not skipping levels and there’s no cheats. Anyway back to the point (don’t think I have one😂) so yea, it’s hard. And you’ve hit rock bottom. Great, okay. You’re there, do you know how to get out? Do you want to get out? Think about it. Sit down on the rocks and think. Don’t just try climbing out without any thought. Think about which way would be the safest and best way to get out. Take your time. How we see ourselves, changes how we see the world. So, my question is how do you see yourself? What does the world look like now? Does it look like your stuck with the rocks or is there a chance that you might be willing to climb to the top? And if you don’t like the answer, ask a different question. I’m probably not making any sense right now but what I’m trying to say is to take time to think. What do you want? Not your parents, not your friend, or even fuckin Santa clause. What do YOU want? That’s all I have to say.
    That’s my rant( that’s doesn’t make sense)
    Bye bye!!

    Liked by 3 people

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