I met someone.

Haha I know it sounds like I met a guy who I feel like I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Hell no. I met this lady  (also not someone I’m spending the rest of my life with) who we were consulting for my brother’s college application. He’s not the brightest kid but I hope he does something with his life later. She agreed to be his recommendation in case the colleges wanted to call or refer or anything.

So we met at Café Coffee Day (which is so cool because I only see people meeting like that in movies lol) and her appearance already made her look so distinguished and all. She is so freaking smart. She talked about different colleges in different countries and how so many of her students (aka clients basically) were sent to all parts of the world for all sorts of education and I’m like holy shit I’m in love. She knew so much about different countries while my one track minded parents kept pushing at the U.S. because my brother and I are citizens there. When my dad said, ”Please don’t notice how bad the marks are, I’m sorry,” I went nuts obviously because not everyone is like perfect okay? I know he doesn’t try and he is at fault but I don’t know I got all defensive #SiblingGoals (jk jk).She replied saying that his grades are not new to her because shes had all types of students and that’s pretty cool. My grades suck shit too though…woohoo… I don’t even know if I can show her when I need recommendation.

One of the important things I heard was when she said it might be a good idea to take a year off or a break from school and my parents looked at her like she’d just committed a sin you know? Like its impossible for Indians to even THINK of anything outside the flow of society or just stop for a minute and really decide what you want to do. I don’t remember much because I wasn’t paying too much attention but she definitely knows her shit. I hope to build my profile like that one day. Till then… FIGHTING!! 🙂

§ Forever and Always §

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Work in progress

My life. Everyday I learn something new something about myself. Before I used to always put friends over family because I had friends duh. Even now I put friends over family but I’ve realised how much my family has given me that my friends haven’t. Like it’s not much but still good enough. I’m friendless now that’s why I started noticing what my family has given me over the years. Before I used to crave to be around people and go to parties but now I’d rather die than have a get-together even if it’s my “best” friends. Before I used to think I could do whatever I wanted as long as I had the talent and determination. I still believe it but when you grow up you realise how the world works and it’s disappointing. But you know..I learn something new everyday and that kinda cool. Sometimes it’s not good but sometimes it is. Some things stay the same but somethings I’m willing to change if they’re bad. I’m going step by step you know? In my upbringing and surroundings we always live by the day…not in the moment. They’re not the same thing. We live everyday and pass through everyday and sometimes I feel like that’s really helpful although long term planning is also important.

Life sucks. Well not really but no one tells you how to go about it or be the best version of who you are and such. You just have to go with the flow…and I hate it. When I was younger, I should’ve hung out with the smart kids and kept up my grade but I didn’t. I was with the popular group (not to sound like a chick flick sorry). I regret it but I can’t you know? Because I had so much fun with them. When I was younger,I shouldn’t have liked all those guys but it didn’t work out like that. I regret it but I don’t you know? Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have learned to control my emotions and get over all that. When I was younger, I should’ve kept playing football even though people kept making fun of me but eventually I got other responsibilities and priorities. I regret that a lot but it ended up opening new interests so I can’t regret it you know?

Sometimes it’s okay to feel like you wanna go back to your old self or younger self because that was a better version of you. But then all the things you have now…you wouldn’t have had them if you continued being the old self. So think of it like that. I’m in 10th grade and my term exams start tomorrow..I regret not studying all this time including right now (sorry WordPress but education is a must too- although this is so much better) but it’s in the past now and you really can’t do anything about it. Just go with the flow. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You too Megha. Stop beating yourself up.

¤Forever and Always¤

Technology.

This is my first freelance writing! Like usually I write it first randomly whenever and then when I’m not lazy to type, I post it on wordpress. But my parents have inspired (yeah not really) me to write this without a rough copy! Here goes…

Technology. Ya ya its the best thing that happened to us but it also ruins our lives blah blah. It’s true that it’s ruined our relationships with the people around us. They’ll be two people at a party and they’d be texting each other but they wouldn’t notice that they are actually sitting next to each other. LOL. I laughed the first time someone told me that. Anyway my point was that even on family basis, its ruined us. I’m supporting both sides but like in usual Megha-style…I need to hate on my parents. So like I use the computer almost 24/7. But most of the time when I’m not, my parents won’t wanna spend time with me. Technically, I spend time on the computer SOLELY because my parents usually don’t take interest in the things I do r whatever. They don’t listen to me too much and whenever I am happy and running around the house they think I have some disease or something. When they’re on the computer, I have to assume it’s work and I can’t disturb them. When they’re off the computer, I’ll either be studying, playing or on the computer. Thus we don’t spend time with each other. But the point of this entire post was that the older generation, i.e. parents, blame us that we don’t spend enough time with family and such but its them that that doesn’t spend time with us. More than half of Indian parents (that is middle class parents, working parents, etc.) are software engineers. So they’re required to have and work on a laptop and I completely understand because my mom really works hard at her job. But she’s on the computer all the time, my dad is on the phone all the time and its not me who doesn’t look up from the laptop…its them. I say something, they cant hear. But they say something and I’m supposed to hear otherwise I’m being ignorant. So basically I just feel like they put the blame on us and make us look like the bad guys while they are EQUALLY responsible. So many families have crumbled because the children don’t have anyone to talk to. Then that could go down many roads… It feels like talking to a wall sometimes. They have no right to say that we don’t pay attention when they don’t either.

 ⇒Forever and Always Trying to Catch Up

Contradictory| Poem.

I’m gasoline, you’re fire
I’m the truth and you’re the liar
We’re opposites forever
But then that’s what keeps us together

I’m water, you’re ice
Full of sweet,salt and spice
I wonder how long
It’ll last before its gone

I’m this,you’re that
We can’t agree on crap
I’m Jekyll, you’re Hyde
But in each other we confide

I’m black,you’re white
On everything we fight
But I don’t know if I should
Leave you; If I could

I’m the storm,you’re the silence
We can’t solve anything with violence
I’m the yes and you’re the no
But promise you’ll never leave me
Promise me you’ll never go

HEY! I’m back after years. No excuses though because I’m just lazy to type it all my writing. I still write on paper though. I like that more. Anyway, I’ll try harder to post more often because I finally learnt to surround myself with the things that make me feel better. God that took me a long time…these past few months really sucked. I realized how much of a routine I follow in school. Even though it has nothing to do with this poem…just wanted to let you know because the friends at school are mostly friends by name only if you know what I mean. Thanks for sticking by me guys. I love you all.

  § Forever and Always §

Bangtan Sonyeondan

Oh god. They make me so happy.

BTS. They are a Korean pop band that’s now got a lot of recognition around the world. They produce and write their own music and they are all very delightful people. BTS is not a band for everyone and I totally understand that. I don’t force anyone to listen to it if they didn’t want to. I respect that but it seems that they just cant do the same. I like BTS. If you don’t that’s fine but you don’t have to hate on me and them just because you don’t like it. I have so many friends that like BTS and I’m happy I get to share some moments with them but its not like I live and breathe BTS. I talk about other stuff too. Its just that they make up so much of me now so I may get carried away.

My point is..don’t hate on me because I like BTS..i don’t hate on you because you don’t like them.. I have lost friends because I like Kpop. My friend has lost some of her friends because they didn’t like it and they thought all she did was talk about them so they just…left? She does talk about BTS a lot and so do I but you should see how happy she is when she talks about them..she literally lights up..I would never want to ruin that. So I was always there fangirling with her even though I didn’t know them that well. And now I do. But no one can accept that im happy because of them. I think they’re hot. You might not. Just listen to what I wanna say or tell me that I talk about it too much. I cant stand that these people just degrade them just because they’re not “my type of music.” My only solution now is to just try and quit talking about it altogether around these kinda people and wait till I can fangirl with my other BTS Army.

Thanks for listening to my rant guys.. I really appreciate it. Just writing what I feel. This applies to almost everything but in my case as of now..its my “weird taste in music” according to some people. SO ya..that’s it..have a nice day 😀

♥Forever and Always♥

Our lives is only running..

via Daily Prompt: Marathon

I just realised that I haven’t been on WordPress for two months almost..why? Because I’m always busy with school or studies or exams or school..there’s no time for anything anymore. Even reading the newspaper puts me behind on my daily schedule. I feel like for everyone..our lives has become a marathon. I know that’s not really what you would think when someone says the word ‘marathon’ but since I’m always deep and wierd..it’s crazy how we all just fit in to this nice world and never do anything for ourselves until it doesn’t matter. I want to write, I want to cycle and so many other things but I never get around to doing it because something’s always in the way..something that you can’t just push aside or ignore. Sometimes it’s my parents, sometimes it’s school. I don’t know where we have left our happiness but I sure hope I can find mine again. I know people can write better posts for this topic and I’m so glad that I get to read them 🙂 these two months have been crazy..I’ve been studying so much that my brain can’t even process the simple information anymore. And they gave us two holidays after our final exams but after that we have to go back and start studying for 10th grade..it’s crazy how fast I’m growing up and how much I’ve already missed. But I guess I’ll just have to keep moving huh? There’s no turning back..even though that’s what we want the most..

≡Forever and Always ≡

Why am I feeling like this?

This is gonna be kind of a wierd post but…I recently joined Instagram because everyone was on that and even if I only needed homework..no one is on hangouts anymore so Instagram is like the only way. Plus I wanted to so yeah..but the problem is..I’m feeling very scared about what might happen to me because I made an account..or like someone might do something or spread some rumour that would go too far..and I’m getting this really really frightening feeling in my stomach and I hate it. I was just sitting on my bed, holding my knees together and hugging myself and saying that it’ll go away and it’s nothing and all but I’m genuinely really scared..I have honestly no idea why but..just a feeling..hopefully.. Can anyone help me? Yikes..I’m freaking out. Sorry about this post but I have to send this..

They found it..

It seems as though my friends found out my blog..and by friends I mean the ones at school..who were not supposed to find it…I don’t really mind to be honest but it’s just that they don’t understand when I say that I didn’t want people who I know to see it. People judge pretty..harshly and I’ve experienced it first hand so..I’m not around to try that again..and it’s not that I don’t want to share my thoughts or “secrets” with my friends but somethings are just not for people to know just to read and forget or for me to just vent out my feelings..as humans..whatever we don’t do..is weird for us..there’s this guy in my class who no one really likes..I mean like by personality he is said to be..not so nice and stuff but he was my best friend who told me to write this blog and one of my friends who found out about the blog was really surprised and I don’t blame her but..why wasn’t he allowed to be my best friend? By the way..I don’t have any best friends..either I don’t share every moment with them which is usually what best friend is defined as..or they just aren’t willing to stick around..

As far as I wanna go with this post..if you school friends are reading this..just keep it to yourselves..I don’t mind if people read my blog but I don’t want all the people mentioned to get in the drama or I don’t want people judging them and I know I can handle it for sure but I don’t want the other person to have to handle it. So please just..try and understand why I would’ve kept it away from you and not because you aren’t my friend or whatever. And again to be clear..I really do not have any best friends…there’s a lot of things about me that even my “best friends” don’t know..cause that’s just how it is..I’m sorry but..not really sorry. I guess I do need to open up more but then when that happens..ha..ya..no.

∨ Forever and Always Happy With Myself∧

RUN.

dd

HEYYYY GUYS!! I MISSED EVERYONE SO MUCH!! OMG I’M ALSO SOOOO SORRY THAT I JUST DIE AND NOT POST..not like I have a great fan following or something… but those of you who enjoy my writing..thank you 🙂 also…I’m SORRY once again.. I have exams coming up and..I’ll try to post whenever I can. I’m really trying. I don’t know how Tanya has it kept together with her studies and blogging and she’s doing so well! Ugh I’m jealous as F!

The point of this post was that a few days ago, I was listening to All We Know by The Chainsmokers (I love everything to do with that AWESOME song) and the lyrics just caught me so hard and plus I had school that morning and it was one of those days when I really didn’t want to go school. I was tired of just getting up at 6, getting dressed, going for mugging up the textbook and trying to spit it on paper and see who can spit it more cleaner..or whatever.I was tired. I was done. And guess what? I wanted to run away. So much more than ever before. I just wanted to take my headphones and JUST RUN. I could imagine myself running out of the house. It kills me that I didn’t and I couldn’t. Why? We are all too used to the routine and those thoughts are temporary we tell ourselves and…we just love our life too much to do that. Either way my day was pretty good which was not the point but..I don’t know. We falling apart still we hold together..this feeling is all we know…They kill creativity. (school that is) We are made to be robots. They don’t see your skills and make them better..they instill the same skills in you as they do to everyone and make sure that those are the only skills you have. And if you’re good in something else..then everyone gets judged on how you are in that field…if you get what I’m saying. I miss 4th grade. When we had yoga, art, crafts, sports, GK, indian music, western music, dance,library and I could go on forever..guess what we are left with? Nothing. We have 6 hours of classes…with half hour lunch…we walk back and forth, class to class, book to book, subject to subject, trudging everywhere waiting for school to end. My exams are coming up and I’m not nervous. Why? Am I a saint? No..I realised that all we have to do is mug up the textbook so why should I be scared? Just sit for hours together and mug it all up. I’m done.

Oh Gosh…What am I doing anymore?

 

How to balance your life..

Guess what? It’s really easy..you don’t. Guys not a day goes by that I don’t check  WikiHow on how to balance your work and play or how to get good grades or even how to be happy. And you’re not wrong to. No one knows anything without Google these days and hey..we have to deal with the fact that our generation is pretty much only technology. But my point was..it’s so hard to balance life..especially when you’re in 9th grade..when you come to 9th..you end up not having a life aside from doing homework or projects and such..I lost my friends too although they are still tight with the rest of my group..and I can’t go out anywhere because I always have something or the other from school or about school to submit the next day. I’m not even able to study because of the amount of work I have to do..legit I have no life at home..actually home is school and school is school so where’s the room to do what I want? Like I don’t know being able to breathe for a second and not keep rushing everywhere..

I don’t even have time for a movie with friends..no wonder I ain’t got any..I can’t even say hi to hikikomori in school because some or their other teacher will tell me to go do something or I’ll have dance practice..all of a sudden it’s so much work flooding in..my school actually doesn’t teach SHIT. All they give a f**k about is grades and marks and marks and grades UGH!! I’m so tired of this shit. But can I just leave it ..no.so I’m just trying to work everything out the best I can and I’m the kind of person who will try to get everything done no matter how long I got to stay up or anything so hopefully I’ll finish my three projects and dance choreography by tomorrow..wish me luck..hopefully you’re life is more balanced than mine..

∏Forever and Dying Always∏