130 days of summer~

Hey I know its been a while since I posted but I’ve actually just not had anything to write. I used to complain about a lot of things when I started this blog but you know..I still do but I feel like I’ve definitely grown up a little. Anyway this post isn’t going to be interesting or anything…as always, just my thoughts-not so interesting lol.

I have 4 months of vacation since I’m shifting from ICSE to IB curriculum and for all the people who want four months of vacation…if you’re not going anywhere out of the country or anything..it’s really no fun. 4 months is a long time although it’s going by pretty fast for me since its already June. I honestly have nothing to say but I thought I would just share how much you can grow and find out more about yourself if you’re just given enough time. I haven’t become a saint or anything haha…its just that I’m not sad and that’s a really good start. Not being happy does not mean being sad. That’s where I’m at. And I’m completely okay with it. In these 4 months, I really didn’t do much. I had millions of things planned but you know what? Right now… I don’t regret not doing those things. I’m glad I decided to just chill and worry about future problems in the future.

Ah I’m sorry I don’t even know where this post is going. My point is just that… I’m doing alright. That’s literally all haha. I’m just proud of where I am and even though in 10th grade, everyone got better results than me…I’m happy with mine. I have the most amazing friends who really care for me and that’s more than enough. Edha, I really love you. The most. I am loving my body the way it is right now and although I want to be a little thinner, I’m in no rush. I cut my hair and I’m loving the new look. I don’t shave my legs and to me..that’s okay. I don’t have a boyfriend and I honestly don’t want one.I keep repeating those things because that’s all that’s important to people my age. I’m not happy but I’m not sad and I’m happy that I’m not sad. That’s about it. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, try to put your well being before others because you matter most in your life. Refuse to be unhappy ok? You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live. Thanks for being with me all this way. I hope you all sincerely like my blog because I don’t do it for the views. Thank you for everything ❤

≤Forever and Always≥

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I’m proud of myself.

Hey. The 14th of May may not be an important date for anyone or even me in the future but that day, my number would come out. My label. The number that decides how much my future is worth. As the clock hit 3 pm…the world stopped for a second. I logged in to the website and checked my individual scores. Good, good, pretty good, shit, shit, good,good. Overall alright. My number is 88. 88%. That’s how much I got on my board exams in 10th grade. At first I had calculated wrong and got 84% and I was so devastated because my goal was 85+. I didn’t hope for more than that because I am a realist. I know my level of skills and I will not unnecessarily raise my expectations because I should be “optimistic.”

I got 88% and instantly compared myself to my friends who all got above 90%. Sure that’s okay. Ha I was kidding. I cried until I couldn’t breathe. Then I told myself I’m a failure. Hear me out. I’m gonna get better I promise. I went to school on the 16th..only to find out that the results will be plastered on the wall for the whole world to see. Awesome. I didn’t dare go close. Then somebody came and told me I’m on the topper list. Ha for what? Failing? Yep. I went and saw…I topped Commercial Applications. Don’t get me wrong, I saw my marks for it before and I was happy but I didn’t think I would top. Along with my other classmate who also got the same marks as me, we both were toppers in commercial applications. It was my other dream since 4th grade to be on that stage. To be an achiever. A topper. In anything, I told myself. Any subject. The other one was that I would become part of the Student Council. I’ve done both. Guys…I’m so proud of myself.

Love myself. Love yourself.

♥Forever and Always♥

Normal is also hard.

Everybody has problems. Being blind is a problem. Not being blind is also a problem. Basically, what I’m trying to say is.. okay this is kind of hard to put in words but so many people say that they have family issues, have some disease or someone in their life has passed away, etc. For me, none of these has happened. For more clarity, I’ll use an example of the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi. Did you know he was a tea seller before he became the PM? Most of the successful people today were poor before or really rich so they decided to do something with it. For me, I am neither poor nor rich. I have enough and a little more; both needs and wants are satisfied and that is the problem. Since I already have enough, why would I go for something bigger or riskier or better? I’m a middle class Indian and I’ll probably die one, too. That’s exactly what I don’t want.

Why is it that people who are poor, have family issues, were in depression, are differently abled,etc. are the ones who become famous? Middle class people have dreams too. Who wants to be average all the time? My point is, I want people to understand that they don’t need major issues or grave problems to help them or make them a better person or become famous. If you have an idea and you think it can help others or change the world a little bit for the better then go for it!! I sit at home everyday saying that I wish I had a disability so I would finally find a reason to be famous.

Please don’t think I’m shaming people with different abilities or poor people or even us middle class people. I’m just trying to say that “normal” people (for lack of better term) have problems equal to those kinds of people. Since we have what we need, we are expected to use them fully and excel at everything we can because we are so “equipped.” We as “normal” people have to be able to do what any other “normal” person can because by physical ability, we are the same. That’s not wrong but honestly, just treat everyone like a human being. In conclusion, I just don’t want people to think that they need problems in their life to succeed. Just do what you love and don’t compare yourself to others. Normal is also hard so don’t look down on anybody. We all struggle.

♥ Forever and Always ♥

 

 

 

I Wish I Liked Her.

Hey guys. I’m back!! Temporarily of course because tenth grade doesn’t allow you to breathe. I’m done with an exam, had a two week holiday, now I’m almost done with another exam and then another 3 week holiday and then another exam WOOHOO!! Isn’t that exciting? By the way guys I’m sorry if this is too wierd of a post. I really wanted to say this to someone and I love WordPress but I hope you guys don’t feel awkward about it or anything. Sorry in advance.

Anyway I shall rant about that another time. Today I wanted to talk about someone special. It sounds really wierd sorry. There’s honestly no other way to put it. Is it just me or have you had a friend that you want to like but you don’t? Or at least you don’t like them yet because you’re discovering yourself and what not? I am there. I don’t know about the discovering myself part but I have this friend who is a girl. She is everything I look for in a person. She’s always cheerful, me and another friend of mine dragged her into the dark hole that is kpop and now she likes kpop which is good because we have the same taste in music (very important by the way) in both kpop and other genres (which is even better), she always manages to make me smile, we’ve never fought, we agree on basically everything, she’s so thug and cool and cute at the same time, she’s definitely beautiful (like generally) and we go together so well. We used to be friends a few years ago and didn’t talk to each other much cause she would always get in trouble and I would be that good kid that the teachers liked (used to though lol) and I would bail her out. Then this year, we became so much closer and she is such a funny person. To me, nothing is more important than someone being able to make you laugh. Her smile is amazing too! There’s so much more I want to say and I hope she never sees this because I don’t want it to ruin things or make things awkward between us.

The thing is guys…as of now, I know I don’t like girls. I’m not saying it as a bad thing or shaming others or whatever but honestly as of now, I highly doubt that I like girls…but I wish I liked this girl. I want to like her because she’s everything I look for in a person. There is nothing wrong with her!! I know I don’t like her but this is killing me. I just hope she’s my friend for however long it is possible. There are so many days i go to school and I’d feel so down cause I hate school and stress and stuff but she can make me smile before half the day is even over. By lunch time I’ll be going crazy and feeling ecstatic just because she made me feel better. That is the best gift in the world. Its amazing how perfect she is guys..I’m so glad I met her. I really hope she doesn’t see this.

Forever and Always♥

I met someone.

Haha I know it sounds like I met a guy who I feel like I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Hell no. I met this lady  (also not someone I’m spending the rest of my life with) who we were consulting for my brother’s college application. He’s not the brightest kid but I hope he does something with his life later. She agreed to be his recommendation in case the colleges wanted to call or refer or anything.

So we met at Café Coffee Day (which is so cool because I only see people meeting like that in movies lol) and her appearance already made her look so distinguished and all. She is so freaking smart. She talked about different colleges in different countries and how so many of her students (aka clients basically) were sent to all parts of the world for all sorts of education and I’m like holy shit I’m in love. She knew so much about different countries while my one track minded parents kept pushing at the U.S. because my brother and I are citizens there. When my dad said, ”Please don’t notice how bad the marks are, I’m sorry,” I went nuts obviously because not everyone is like perfect okay? I know he doesn’t try and he is at fault but I don’t know I got all defensive #SiblingGoals (jk jk).She replied saying that his grades are not new to her because shes had all types of students and that’s pretty cool. My grades suck shit too though…woohoo… I don’t even know if I can show her when I need recommendation.

One of the important things I heard was when she said it might be a good idea to take a year off or a break from school and my parents looked at her like she’d just committed a sin you know? Like its impossible for Indians to even THINK of anything outside the flow of society or just stop for a minute and really decide what you want to do. I don’t remember much because I wasn’t paying too much attention but she definitely knows her shit. I hope to build my profile like that one day. Till then… FIGHTING!! 🙂

§ Forever and Always §

Work in progress

My life. Everyday I learn something new something about myself. Before I used to always put friends over family because I had friends duh. Even now I put friends over family but I’ve realised how much my family has given me that my friends haven’t. Like it’s not much but still good enough. I’m friendless now that’s why I started noticing what my family has given me over the years. Before I used to crave to be around people and go to parties but now I’d rather die than have a get-together even if it’s my “best” friends. Before I used to think I could do whatever I wanted as long as I had the talent and determination. I still believe it but when you grow up you realise how the world works and it’s disappointing. But you know..I learn something new everyday and that kinda cool. Sometimes it’s not good but sometimes it is. Some things stay the same but somethings I’m willing to change if they’re bad. I’m going step by step you know? In my upbringing and surroundings we always live by the day…not in the moment. They’re not the same thing. We live everyday and pass through everyday and sometimes I feel like that’s really helpful although long term planning is also important.

Life sucks. Well not really but no one tells you how to go about it or be the best version of who you are and such. You just have to go with the flow…and I hate it. When I was younger, I should’ve hung out with the smart kids and kept up my grade but I didn’t. I was with the popular group (not to sound like a chick flick sorry). I regret it but I can’t you know? Because I had so much fun with them. When I was younger,I shouldn’t have liked all those guys but it didn’t work out like that. I regret it but I don’t you know? Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have learned to control my emotions and get over all that. When I was younger, I should’ve kept playing football even though people kept making fun of me but eventually I got other responsibilities and priorities. I regret that a lot but it ended up opening new interests so I can’t regret it you know?

Sometimes it’s okay to feel like you wanna go back to your old self or younger self because that was a better version of you. But then all the things you have now…you wouldn’t have had them if you continued being the old self. So think of it like that. I’m in 10th grade and my term exams start tomorrow..I regret not studying all this time including right now (sorry WordPress but education is a must too- although this is so much better) but it’s in the past now and you really can’t do anything about it. Just go with the flow. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You too Megha. Stop beating yourself up.

¤Forever and Always¤

Technology.

This is my first freelance writing! Like usually I write it first randomly whenever and then when I’m not lazy to type, I post it on wordpress. But my parents have inspired (yeah not really) me to write this without a rough copy! Here goes…

Technology. Ya ya its the best thing that happened to us but it also ruins our lives blah blah. It’s true that it’s ruined our relationships with the people around us. They’ll be two people at a party and they’d be texting each other but they wouldn’t notice that they are actually sitting next to each other. LOL. I laughed the first time someone told me that. Anyway my point was that even on family basis, its ruined us. I’m supporting both sides but like in usual Megha-style…I need to hate on my parents. So like I use the computer almost 24/7. But most of the time when I’m not, my parents won’t wanna spend time with me. Technically, I spend time on the computer SOLELY because my parents usually don’t take interest in the things I do r whatever. They don’t listen to me too much and whenever I am happy and running around the house they think I have some disease or something. When they’re on the computer, I have to assume it’s work and I can’t disturb them. When they’re off the computer, I’ll either be studying, playing or on the computer. Thus we don’t spend time with each other. But the point of this entire post was that the older generation, i.e. parents, blame us that we don’t spend enough time with family and such but its them that that doesn’t spend time with us. More than half of Indian parents (that is middle class parents, working parents, etc.) are software engineers. So they’re required to have and work on a laptop and I completely understand because my mom really works hard at her job. But she’s on the computer all the time, my dad is on the phone all the time and its not me who doesn’t look up from the laptop…its them. I say something, they cant hear. But they say something and I’m supposed to hear otherwise I’m being ignorant. So basically I just feel like they put the blame on us and make us look like the bad guys while they are EQUALLY responsible. So many families have crumbled because the children don’t have anyone to talk to. Then that could go down many roads… It feels like talking to a wall sometimes. They have no right to say that we don’t pay attention when they don’t either.

 ⇒Forever and Always Trying to Catch Up

Contradictory| Poem.

I’m gasoline, you’re fire
I’m the truth and you’re the liar
We’re opposites forever
But then that’s what keeps us together

I’m water, you’re ice
Full of sweet,salt and spice
I wonder how long
It’ll last before its gone

I’m this,you’re that
We can’t agree on crap
I’m Jekyll, you’re Hyde
But in each other we confide

I’m black,you’re white
On everything we fight
But I don’t know if I should
Leave you; If I could

I’m the storm,you’re the silence
We can’t solve anything with violence
I’m the yes and you’re the no
But promise you’ll never leave me
Promise me you’ll never go

HEY! I’m back after years. No excuses though because I’m just lazy to type it all my writing. I still write on paper though. I like that more. Anyway, I’ll try harder to post more often because I finally learnt to surround myself with the things that make me feel better. God that took me a long time…these past few months really sucked. I realized how much of a routine I follow in school. Even though it has nothing to do with this poem…just wanted to let you know because the friends at school are mostly friends by name only if you know what I mean. Thanks for sticking by me guys. I love you all.

  § Forever and Always §

Bangtan Sonyeondan

Oh god. They make me so happy.

BTS. They are a Korean pop band that’s now got a lot of recognition around the world. They produce and write their own music and they are all very delightful people. BTS is not a band for everyone and I totally understand that. I don’t force anyone to listen to it if they didn’t want to. I respect that but it seems that they just cant do the same. I like BTS. If you don’t that’s fine but you don’t have to hate on me and them just because you don’t like it. I have so many friends that like BTS and I’m happy I get to share some moments with them but its not like I live and breathe BTS. I talk about other stuff too. Its just that they make up so much of me now so I may get carried away.

My point is..don’t hate on me because I like BTS..i don’t hate on you because you don’t like them.. I have lost friends because I like Kpop. My friend has lost some of her friends because they didn’t like it and they thought all she did was talk about them so they just…left? She does talk about BTS a lot and so do I but you should see how happy she is when she talks about them..she literally lights up..I would never want to ruin that. So I was always there fangirling with her even though I didn’t know them that well. And now I do. But no one can accept that im happy because of them. I think they’re hot. You might not. Just listen to what I wanna say or tell me that I talk about it too much. I cant stand that these people just degrade them just because they’re not “my type of music.” My only solution now is to just try and quit talking about it altogether around these kinda people and wait till I can fangirl with my other BTS Army.

Thanks for listening to my rant guys.. I really appreciate it. Just writing what I feel. This applies to almost everything but in my case as of now..its my “weird taste in music” according to some people. SO ya..that’s it..have a nice day 😀

♥Forever and Always♥

Our lives is only running..

via Daily Prompt: Marathon

I just realised that I haven’t been on WordPress for two months almost..why? Because I’m always busy with school or studies or exams or school..there’s no time for anything anymore. Even reading the newspaper puts me behind on my daily schedule. I feel like for everyone..our lives has become a marathon. I know that’s not really what you would think when someone says the word ‘marathon’ but since I’m always deep and wierd..it’s crazy how we all just fit in to this nice world and never do anything for ourselves until it doesn’t matter. I want to write, I want to cycle and so many other things but I never get around to doing it because something’s always in the way..something that you can’t just push aside or ignore. Sometimes it’s my parents, sometimes it’s school. I don’t know where we have left our happiness but I sure hope I can find mine again. I know people can write better posts for this topic and I’m so glad that I get to read them 🙂 these two months have been crazy..I’ve been studying so much that my brain can’t even process the simple information anymore. And they gave us two holidays after our final exams but after that we have to go back and start studying for 10th grade..it’s crazy how fast I’m growing up and how much I’ve already missed. But I guess I’ll just have to keep moving huh? There’s no turning back..even though that’s what we want the most..

≡Forever and Always ≡