Why am I feeling like this?

This is gonna be kind of a wierd post but…I recently joined Instagram because everyone was on that and even if I only needed homework..no one is on hangouts anymore so Instagram is like the only way. Plus I wanted to so yeah..but the problem is..I’m feeling very scared about what might happen to me because I made an account..or like someone might do something or spread some rumour that would go too far..and I’m getting this really really frightening feeling in my stomach and I hate it. I was just sitting on my bed, holding my knees together and hugging myself and saying that it’ll go away and it’s nothing and all but I’m genuinely really scared..I have honestly no idea why but..just a feeling..hopefully.. Can anyone help me? Yikes..I’m freaking out. Sorry about this post but I have to send this..

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At the Border|Poem.

i wrote a poem to the soldiers in the border that protect us every single day and night so we can sleep happily thinking of problems like exams and friends and no food for an hour..while they go through so much just for us. I don’t understand why they do it..they shouldn’t have to…I don’t know..

To the Army we how our heads
Who keeps us far from death
O brave and valiant ones
Who were common men once

They serve our country
With sacrifice and pride
So we can live another day
And see another sunrise

Little do we know
About their lifestyle there
But all they for us is care
Don’t you think that’s a bit unfair?

Finally we say our thanks
To the men of higher ranks
Here is a poem of gratitude
Please forgive our unruly attitude

≡ Forever and Always ≡

They found it..

It seems as though my friends found out my blog..and by friends I mean the ones at school..who were not supposed to find it…I don’t really mind to be honest but it’s just that they don’t understand when I say that I didn’t want people who I know to see it. People judge pretty..harshly and I’ve experienced it first hand so..I’m not around to try that again..and it’s not that I don’t want to share my thoughts or “secrets” with my friends but somethings are just not for people to know just to read and forget or for me to just vent out my feelings..as humans..whatever we don’t do..is weird for us..there’s this guy in my class who no one really likes..I mean like by personality he is said to be..not so nice and stuff but he was my best friend who told me to write this blog and one of my friends who found out about the blog was really surprised and I don’t blame her but..why wasn’t he allowed to be my best friend? By the way..I don’t have any best friends..either I don’t share every moment with them which is usually what best friend is defined as..or they just aren’t willing to stick around..

As far as I wanna go with this post..if you school friends are reading this..just keep it to yourselves..I don’t mind if people read my blog but I don’t want all the people mentioned to get in the drama or I don’t want people judging them and I know I can handle it for sure but I don’t want the other person to have to handle it. So please just..try and understand why I would’ve kept it away from you and not because you aren’t my friend or whatever. And again to be clear..I really do not have any best friends…there’s a lot of things about me that even my “best friends” don’t know..cause that’s just how it is..I’m sorry but..not really sorry. I guess I do need to open up more but then when that happens..ha..ya..no.

∨ Forever and Always Happy With Myself∧

Two sides.|Rap

On one side, she’s crying herself to
Sleep every night
But on the outside, she’s always tough
Always ready to fight
She’s scared like everyone else
And no one could’ve gone through the pain that she felt
She always tried so fucking hard
To make both her parents hard
But she failed each time
And was about to be kicked outta the house
All these inspiration, motivational speeches
In between
Are useless when you’re luck is
Outta the scene
She tried, she stumbled, she fell every time
She cried, she fumbled, but said she was fine
Because that’s how strong she was
Made of platinum and gold
Nobody can hurt her anymore
She reached this stage by selling her soul

Its kinda short but I hope you enjoyed it and ya..writing raps is pretty fun actually. I don’t really know why but it’s a lot better than trying to write poems I guess so that’s why and plus I love eminem..he is like so awesome and it’s so sad how much he had to go through so..ya..

ΞForever and AlwaysΞ

My future.|Rap

On one side, they saying “Take the time to follow your dreams”
On the other, they saying “Hey I actually need the money”
You can do what you want
With your life,use your voice
But it’d be better if you did this or that
Actually you don’t have a choice
I don’t wanna grow up
Provide for a family
That I didn’t ask for
I wanna live my life
And not become someone’s stay-at-home cooking wife
9 to 5 ain’t my jam
I’m destined for greatness
But I’m just sitting in all this middle class garbage
I’m feeling so damn hopeless

They think they know what’s best for me
In reality they really don’t understand
My flow and battery
They don’t know the first thing
That I dance,rap,draw,skate or even sing
And one day it’ll be too late
And I’ll have to end up giving up on my fate
I guess Imma grow up and have 10 part time jobs
Cause I’m the kinda girl that doesn’t know what she wants.

Forever and Always 

All she ever wanted.|Rap

She’s been in love many times
In her past
But it ain’t love cause damn
Those never last
They either cheat,walk away or she looses herself
And she realises it wasn’t worth it
But she’ll never be over it yet.
She’s makes them feel special
And what do they do in return?
Just end it abruptly and leave her to burn.
Not a day goes by she doesn’t think of them
But what more can she do
When they already left.
“I don’t need anyone” is all that she says
But really she needs someone to help her clear up this mess.

Put my life into perspective
As if in a movie
It was happily ever after
But the ending was too early
Don’t you get it?
All she ever wanted was to belong to someone
To be held, to be cared for,
To be someone’s loved one
But the idea of love was so strange to her
Considering all the rejections that she had to take with her.
Oh ya we’re in this together they say
Then they have the nerve to ditch her halfway
They don’t know what it’s like to be abandoned, deserted and left all alone
It feels like shit creek being ripped to the bone.

Hey guys I hope you read that like a rap and not a poem because then it doesn’t work. Either way did you like it? These are not like feelings I have now like bottle down pm and stuff but i had do written this a while ago in bits and pieces so I decided to put then together and kinda make it one rap so ya..but this is how I used to feel sometime ago but I’m done. Anyway tell me If you liked it!!

∞Forever and Always∞

RUN.

dd

HEYYYY GUYS!! I MISSED EVERYONE SO MUCH!! OMG I’M ALSO SOOOO SORRY THAT I JUST DIE AND NOT POST..not like I have a great fan following or something… but those of you who enjoy my writing..thank you 🙂 also…I’m SORRY once again.. I have exams coming up and..I’ll try to post whenever I can. I’m really trying. I don’t know how Tanya has it kept together with her studies and blogging and she’s doing so well! Ugh I’m jealous as F!

The point of this post was that a few days ago, I was listening to All We Know by The Chainsmokers (I love everything to do with that AWESOME song) and the lyrics just caught me so hard and plus I had school that morning and it was one of those days when I really didn’t want to go school. I was tired of just getting up at 6, getting dressed, going for mugging up the textbook and trying to spit it on paper and see who can spit it more cleaner..or whatever.I was tired. I was done. And guess what? I wanted to run away. So much more than ever before. I just wanted to take my headphones and JUST RUN. I could imagine myself running out of the house. It kills me that I didn’t and I couldn’t. Why? We are all too used to the routine and those thoughts are temporary we tell ourselves and…we just love our life too much to do that. Either way my day was pretty good which was not the point but..I don’t know. We falling apart still we hold together..this feeling is all we know…They kill creativity. (school that is) We are made to be robots. They don’t see your skills and make them better..they instill the same skills in you as they do to everyone and make sure that those are the only skills you have. And if you’re good in something else..then everyone gets judged on how you are in that field…if you get what I’m saying. I miss 4th grade. When we had yoga, art, crafts, sports, GK, indian music, western music, dance,library and I could go on forever..guess what we are left with? Nothing. We have 6 hours of classes…with half hour lunch…we walk back and forth, class to class, book to book, subject to subject, trudging everywhere waiting for school to end. My exams are coming up and I’m not nervous. Why? Am I a saint? No..I realised that all we have to do is mug up the textbook so why should I be scared? Just sit for hours together and mug it all up. I’m done.

Oh Gosh…What am I doing anymore?

 

How to balance your life..

Guess what? It’s really easy..you don’t. Guys not a day goes by that I don’t check  WikiHow on how to balance your work and play or how to get good grades or even how to be happy. And you’re not wrong to. No one knows anything without Google these days and hey..we have to deal with the fact that our generation is pretty much only technology. But my point was..it’s so hard to balance life..especially when you’re in 9th grade..when you come to 9th..you end up not having a life aside from doing homework or projects and such..I lost my friends too although they are still tight with the rest of my group..and I can’t go out anywhere because I always have something or the other from school or about school to submit the next day. I’m not even able to study because of the amount of work I have to do..legit I have no life at home..actually home is school and school is school so where’s the room to do what I want? Like I don’t know being able to breathe for a second and not keep rushing everywhere..

I don’t even have time for a movie with friends..no wonder I ain’t got any..I can’t even say hi to hikikomori in school because some or their other teacher will tell me to go do something or I’ll have dance practice..all of a sudden it’s so much work flooding in..my school actually doesn’t teach SHIT. All they give a f**k about is grades and marks and marks and grades UGH!! I’m so tired of this shit. But can I just leave it ..no.so I’m just trying to work everything out the best I can and I’m the kind of person who will try to get everything done no matter how long I got to stay up or anything so hopefully I’ll finish my three projects and dance choreography by tomorrow..wish me luck..hopefully you’re life is more balanced than mine..

∏Forever and Dying Always∏

The World Is Going To End.

image

This is what India looks like during Diwali from space…but what no one tells us is that it’s also covered with a thick ring of smoke. It’s said from scientists that during Diwali..India sometimes is hard to find from space..because IT CANNOT BE SEEN!! Like how exciting is that huh? It’s horrible.. It’s said that Antarctica and other exotic places will only be around till 2100..so everyone should visit these places and complete their bucket list before then.. What kind of enjoyment is that? India itself is on the verge of collapsing, both physically and mentally. The poverty of India is never going to stop. In fact it may even rise. The job opportunities in India are actually less than we think and even on a narrow basis of school..they are not teaching well or there’s too much stress and the child ends up losing their mind.

Physically there have been many storms and too much pressure gradient and temperatures are rising to a record high in 2016 and it’s very scary what can happen with a few degrees more or less in a country. Since I’ve been to Dubai..I know the weather there and guys..it’s better than Bangalore. It’s cooler..IN DUBAI than in Bangalore. Slowly, the world will end. This place is destined for doom okay? And you and I both know that. There’s no saving the Earth. There’s only slowing it down. While we muck about our usual lives complaining about everything..the world is coming to an end day by day. I’m not saying that we should leave everything and become priests or something but..I was just thinking.. I gotta travel before everything dies..I don’t know the point of this post but..I just felt suddenly like everything is collapsing which made me kinda scared. But.. I don’t even know about the world.

                                                      Forever and Hopefully Always